


Earn it

by taeyong (yuraxchan)



Series: BDSM!AU [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Boss/Employee Relationship, Dom!Hansol, Dom!Taeil, Dom/sub Play, Established Relationship, Insecurity, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Miscommunication, Open Relationships, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sub!Johnny, Sub!Taeil, Trust Issues, Versatile!Taeil, mention of past Taeil/Ocs, mention of sub drop, more sex talk than actual sex happening here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 21:51:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14174130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/taeyong
Summary: “Would you like to switch?” he’d said, out of the blue, munching on his pizza. Truthfully, he’d waited two weeks before finally asking, and despite his nonchalance he was nervous as fuck about Johnny’s answer.





	Earn it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [koshitsu_kamira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/koshitsu_kamira/gifts).



> /pushes the ficdom door open with a bang
> 
> More than one year later, here is (finally) the sequel for my sugar bunny ♥
> 
> I hope you'll like it! See you in one year for another one (jk)

Taeil grinned to himself, letting his fingers trail on his neck, following the traces left by Johnny’s fingers last night. He was glad no one could see his silly lovesick smile at the moment but he couldn’t exactly control it, refrain it. He was just happy and he wasn’t afraid to let it show on his face for once.

He remembered how he’d said to his sub that he had to _earn it_ so many months ago and boy did his lover not disappoint. Taeil didn’t make it easy for Johnny though. This part of himself wasn’t something he’d let just anyone discover. The amount of trust it required wasn’t something Taeil was ready to give easily. To anyone. Not even himself, for that he didn’t trust his heart anymore, or even his ability to be a good judge of character for that matter.

Johnny never pushed him, nor pressured him into anything. After that time, when Taeil had more or less agreed to let Johnny to be his _dom_ , his lover never breached the subject again. It was there, hanging, like the elephant in the room, but they never talked about it. Taeil loved Johnny even more because of that, if it was even possible.

His baby boy seemed content being his sub, discovering more and more about himself, about his kinks, about what made him high on ecstasy, what made him shudder and lose control. He’d just give himself to Taeil without a second thought and Taeil was immensely proud and grateful his lover trusted him that much.

Johnny was never ashamed to show himself at his most vulnerable state, showing Taeil everything about him—the good and the bad, his darkest secrets and fantasies, his deeper fears. He’d never hide from Taeil. Taeil found it mesmerizing albeit scary, that someone could trust him with his whole heart and body, his whole life really, when it came to it.

Some of their scenes were pretty intense after all. Johnny dropped badly sometimes when it was too much, mostly when he was stressed from work and pushed himself too hard, asking things he would never do just to give away the control he’d had to maintain as a CEO. But Taeil was always there to pick him up and guide him out of his subspace. He’d never let him down.

Taeil had dropped the bomb less than one month ago while they were cuddling on the couch, legs intertwined and eating pizza in front of the TV. “Would you like to switch?” he’d said, out of the blue, munching on his pizza. Truthfully, he’d waited two weeks before finally asking, and despite his nonchalance he was nervous as fuck about Johnny’s answer. What if Johnny had forgotten about it and realized he’d never wanted it?

Johnny had stopped eating, stared at his face for a long minute. He didn’t misunderstand the meaning of course, being so acute with Taeil’s mood and phrasing. He knew Taeil wasn’t talking about sex position only. “If that’s something you would like to try, yes.” He paused. “I mean, _of course_ I want to. But like...are you sure?” he sounded curious, albeit clearly excited at the idea. Taeil could hear his cautiousness in his tone too. It warmed his heart and strengthened his resolve to try, to trust this beautiful man in front of him. Johnny deserved it, _they_ deserved it.

Licking the grease off his fingers, Taeil had nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. Been sure for a while.”

Beaming, Johnny hummed contentedly. “Glad I’m not the only one who thought about it.”

“Yeah? Tell me more.” Amused, Taeil’s big toe poked his ankle.

“Talked to Hansol a few times.” Johnny admitted. “About you. What you like. What you don’t like.”

Taeil narrowed his eyes at him. “Did he? Tell you, I mean.”

“Sadly, no.” Johnny pouted. “I just wanted you to know that I asked. I wanted to be prepared, in case you would want that. With me.”

Relaxing, Taeil scooted closer to him and cupped his cheek. “You can learn with me. I’ll let you know everything you want to know.”

“Sucks to _always_ be the inexperienced one, okay?” he mumbled childishly.

Rolling his eyes, Taeil snorted. “You and your stupid pride.”

“What pride...” he deadpanned, arching one eyebrow.

Taeil’s face became serious again. “Hey. None of that. Being a sub doesn’t mean you don’t have your dignity intact. It’s not about that. Never doubt yourself like that, alright?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, don’t worry.” Johnny was quick to reassure, pecking his lips softly. “I know. I just meant that I don’t have any ounce of pride left around you.” He smiled warmly. “Not that it’s a bad thing, babe.”

Taeil knew the feeling. “Would you like to be my dom?” he asked again, just to be sure. Words were important. Explicit consent should be given.

“I would love to.” Johnny replied with an easy smile, grabbing his wrist and pulling his lover against his chest. “I’ll take good care of you.” he assured between kisses. “Tell me what you want me to do, yeah?”

“Not tonight,” Taeil whispered. “Right now, I really want to tie you up and worship you, _baby boy_.”

Johnny shuddered at the magic word. “Anything for you, sir.” he breathed.

His eyes darkening with lust, Taeil smirked. “Clothes off. Bed. _Now_.”

 

 

 

They had to talk about it before it happened of course, so Taeil sat him down and gave him his rules. Most of his pet peeves were Johnny’s so it was easy to work around it. Johnny was glad he wouldn’t have to _hurt_ him to pleasure him, which was an immense relief. As much as he wanted to please Taeil, he didn’t know if he could have done it.

They took it slow, it wasn’t easy for Johnny to change his demeanor from a sub to a dom. He’d been trained as a sub after all. His automatisms were in the way. Thankfully, those awkward moments only turned into inside jokes between them, like the time Johnny had called him sir as he was spanking him. Taeil had huffed out a laugh and called off the scene, chuckling, while Johnny turned red in embarrassment.

As a form of revenge, Taeil did the same during his scene and blue balled Johnny so hard he sulked for two days. But it worked, because Johnny learned to control his tongue—in more ways than one, really—and their first real scene turned out much better than what they both expected. It was a light one, sure, but still. Johnny made Taeil dropped all his inhibitions rather quickly with his touch and commanding tone. He was kinda proud, even if there was always room for improvement since he was just a beginner.

 

 

 

The only real bump in the road came when, during one of their weekly dinners with Hansol, Jaehyun and Taeyong, Johnny learned about a peculiar kink that Taeil had never shared with him before. Hansol had been gossiping about some other dom whose name Johnny didn’t recall who went berserk when one of his subs requested for _another dom_ to fuck him in public.

“The guy apparently didn’t know all of his sub’s kinks.” Taeyong chirped, shaking his head.

Taeil had been strangely quiet at this revelation, looking down at the table and Johnny hadn’t noticed immediately.

“That’s why I always recommend to my subs to express clearly all of their kinks from the start, even the ones they’re curious about. It gets messy when something like this happens.” Hansol sighed sadly.

“It can be hard though, to share this particular kink.” Jaehyun blurted out. “I mean, when it comes to it, most doms are possessive with their subs, right? It must be hard for a dom to let his sub go with another dom without feeling insecure or hurt.”

Hansol hummed, playing with his glass. “Being a dom doesn’t mean you _own_ anyone though.”

“You say that because you’re not exclusive. You’ve got plenty of subs right?” Jaehyun reckoned. “It’s not the same when the dom and the sub are exclusive to some extents.”

“Yeah, but exclusiveness in the BDSM scene isn’t the same as the one between regular lovers.” Hansol pointed out.

“What if you’re both?” Johnny wondered, curious.

“Like I said, the dom and the sub need to discuss it.” Hansol shrugged. “I mean, it works fine for you guys so I don’t see why it would be a problem.”

Confused, Johnny arched one eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“You clearly can tell the difference between your exclusive relationship with Taeil and the non-exclusive one between you as a dom and him as a sub.” he explained, completely unaware of the panic rising in Taeil’s body.

“Anyway, it’s only gossip.” Taeil interrupted, uneasy. “Anyone wants some dessert?”

“Wait.” Johnny snapped. “What are you talking about?”

Hansol looked at him in surprise before meeting Taeil’s nervous eyes, the realization making him curse. “Oh, shit.”

Jaehyun and Taeyong shared a wary look, sensing the tension in the air.

“Maybe we should go...” Taeyong trailed off awkwardly, already standing up to leave them privacy. Both Jaehyun and him thanked Taeil and Johnny, then hastily made their retreat, leaving Hansol with the couple.

The silence in the room was uncomfortable and no one knew how to break it.

“I’m sorry,” Hansol started softly, apologetic. “I thought you guys had discussed it.”

“Discussed _what_?” Johnny groaned, defensive. “Clearly, I’m left in the dark so if anyone could explain me that would be great.” He was starting to get pissed, knowing there was something important that he’d missed, that Taeil didn’t share with him and he dreaded to know what it entailed.

Taeil sighed. “As a sub, I like doing scenes with other doms.”

There. He said it. He inwardly winced at the implication of his revelation. Sharing partners has never been a good idea if you wanted to maintain a serious, fair, balanced and sane relationship. BDSM or not. It was rather tricky, Taeil would know, he’d tried before and failed miserably. That’s why he never bothered to breach the subject before, hiding it, repressing his needs, because he was afraid—of Johnny’s reaction of course, he knew he could lose his boyfriend.

Johnny didn’t react immediately, processing the information. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Come on, we both know how possessive you are...” Taeil began. “I couldn’t drop that on you.”

“Why? Because I couldn’t understand?” he frowned, nonplussed. “I’m as invested as you are in the BDSM scene.”

“I know, but you can’t accept that. I know it, so there was no need for me to share this with you.” his lover reasoned, petulant.

Johnny let out a humorless laugh. “I thought we didn’t hide anything from each other. I thought we trusted each other?”

“It’s not about that!” Taeil quickly assured.

“Clearly it is. You don’t trust me not to get upset that you would want to go with another dom. You don’t trust me with your _needs_ and _wants_.”

“Would you be okay with that?” Taeil tried, starting to get worked up too. “Would you let me do it? Truthfully, Johnny, would you?”

“You may know me better than anyone else in the world right now, but you still don’t know me better than I know myself.” he retorted.

Taeil clenched his teeth. “Is that a yes? Answer me, come on. Tell me you would be okay with it.”

Shaking his head sadly, Johnny let out a disappointed sigh. “ _Yes_. I would say yes. I would let you do it because as possessive as I am, _I love you_. I want you to be happy and if _that_ makes you happy then I would let you do it.”

“But you would hate it.” Taeil whispered knowingly.

“I wouldn’t like it, for sure, but I would get used to the idea.” Johnny reluctantly admitted. “With time. But for that, you would need to tell me first. We need to _talk_ about it.”

“I don’t want to interrupt, but Taeil, he’s right.” Hansol said gently. “You can’t decide those things on your own. You need to be honest with him about what you want, what you need.”

Taeil rubbed his nape, uneasy. “I was scared okay.”

“Of me?” Johnny asked, stunned.

“Of your reaction. What if it was too much for you?” Taeil explained. “I know it’s kind of fucked up and so many people wouldn’t agree.”

“People outside of the scene, you mean.” Hansol piped out. “Johnny is in it as much as you are now, Taeil. He knows the drill.”

Johnny chuckled, relaxing. “Looks like you’re our couple counselor.”

“I can do much more than giving advices for you two...” Hansol joked.

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Johnny laughed. He _was_ possessive.

“I’ll let you talk, okay?” Hansol stood up and smiled at them encouragingly. “You know where to find me if you guys need me.” He winked, grabbing his coat. “Thank you for the dinner and see you at my place next week!”

Taeil closed the door softly after he promised to call him in the morning to _make sure you_ _guys_ _didn’t kill each other_. Rolling his eyes, Taeil only snorted at his friend’s antics and anxiously made his way to the living room where Johnny was already tidying up the table.

Helping him, he only broke the silence once they were done. “I’m sorry.” Johnny looked at him from the corner of his eyes and rested his hip on the kitchen’s counter. He had his poker face on and Taeil didn’t know what to make of it. “I trust you, so much. I just...I wasn’t sure what you would think of it, of me.”

Sighing loudly, Johnny’s shoulders dropped. “Come here,” he said, offering his hand. Taeil grabbed it and let himself be pulled against his warm chest. “Don’t be stupid. Nothing you could want or need would make me leave you or think less of you. I’ve shown you _all of me_ , Taeil. You’ve seen me in my most vulnerable states and never judged _me_ , why would _I_?”

“Because I’m stupid.”

“Yeah, I have to admit that you’re being a little stupid.” He said dryly, huffing when Taeil hit his shoulder. “But I get it. It’s scary to admit those things. I know you’re not used to be the one being vulnerable and showing what you need and want, but trust me okay? With me you can, you’re safe.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you...” he mumbled.

“You mean, it’s not just _me_.” Johnny guessed.

“Yeah...I’m sorry. It’s not that easy. I know I’m being a hypocrite to tell _you_ to trust _me_ when I can’t but...” he let out a self-deprecating sigh. “That’s me in a nutshell.”

“Great explanation.” Johnny pointed out, laughing quietly. “But I get it. I just wish you wouldn’t feel so insecure and that you wouldn’t overthink everything.”

“I don’t really like talking about my past, but I promise I will explain it to you, so you can understand. I’m not saying you will, and it’s not an excuse, but perhaps you’ll understand why I’m like this.” he said softly, looking up at his boyfriend. “But I’m really sorry I hid it from you. I didn’t want to lie and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Just follow your own rules, okay? Trust me, share your thoughts and feelings with me. We need to talk it out. Everything between us, we need to communicate. It’s not going to work out if we don’t. And I’m also saying that to myself, to remind myself. We’re two in this relationship.” Johnny said.

Nodding, Taeil tiptoed to kiss him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” his boyfriend replied. “You know, you’re _it_ for me, Taeil. I’m not going anywhere.”

Emotion bubbling up in his chest, Taeil captured his lips in a passionate kiss, afraid he would shed some tears. “I know, I’m not going anywhere either. You’re it for me too.”

 

 

 

“So I’ve been thinking,” Johnny started the next morning over breakfast.

“Yeah I could hear you think all night...” Taeil sighed, shaking his head fondly.

His lover grimaced. “Oh, did I bother you?”

“No, I just knew you would...” he trailed off warily, biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

Johnny’s eyes softened. “It’s not bad, I promise.” He grabbed Taeil’s hand, caressing his knuckles tenderly. “I just think I would like to be part of the scenes with other doms. At least at the beginning? I can just watch or whatever, I don’t really know the details, or what’s possible, but yeah. It would make it easier for me. I’d like a little bit of control.”

“On me?” Taeil asks.

“No, on myself. I need to make sure the other dom will treat you well. That you’ll like it. I need to see it with my own eyes that you enjoy it, that it makes you happy.” Johnny requested. “That’s my only condition.”

Nodding slowly, Taeil mulled over the thought. “Alright, I can do that.” He paused, licked his lips. “I was thinking that maybe we could try with Hansol? Since you know him, you trust him, and you know he won’t interfere in our relationship in any way.”

“What about you?” Johnny inquired. “Would you like that?”

Shrugging, Taeil smiled. “I used to do a lot of scenes with Hansol. He’s the only dom I’m compatible with in the club.”

“So...when you said other doms you mostly meant Hansol?” his boyfriend guessed.

Taeil hummed, lacing their fingers. “For now, yes. Perhaps in the future i’ll find another one, but...yeah.”

Nodding to himself, Johnny looked down at their linked hands. “We can try.”

“What are you worried about?” Taeil said gently.

“We just started experimenting, what if you realize Hansol is way better? What if I can never satisfy you like he does?” he mumbled, carding his free hand through his hair in frustration.

“Hey babe...” Taeil frowned, gently grabbing his hand, “none of that,” he added, standing up to sit in his lap. “You’re doing good, you’re perfect for me.”

“Then why am I not enough?” Johnny finally blurted out sadly.

It knocked the air out of Taeil’s chest. He gawped, searching for the right words. “You are enough. Please never think you are not. I hate that I made you think that...” he bit his lips. “It’s not that at all. It’s not about you. It’s about _me_. Even when I need to be a sub, I need to be in control.”

“I don’t get it.” Johnny admitted.

“I...I have abandonment issues. I can’t belong to one dom. It scares the shit out of me. Because if I only have one, and I lose them...I’ll feel lost and helpless.” Taeil explained.

“But you only had Hansol?”

“For about two months before you entered the picture, yes.” he looked away. “I had one other dom before, but it didn’t work out.”

Johnny wanted to ask more but Taeil’s tense shoulders, clenched jaw and faraway look dissuaded him. “I see.”

“But please, never think you are not enough because it’s not true. I love you.” Taeil confessed, cupping his jaw. “I like our relationship, we are good together, we are good to each other. Don’t doubt us. Or me.”

Johnny nodded and accepted the sweet kiss Taeil offered him. “I hate to break it to you, but we need to go to work babe.”

“Let’s talk more about it later, okay?” Taeil requested firmly. “I’ll answer all your questions.”

Grinning, his boyfriend hummed. “I know.”

 

 

 

It wasn’t easy for Taeil to explain all his failed relationships, but he had to do it, to make Johnny understand where he was coming from. His boyfriend patiently listened to everything, curling on Taeil’s side and mapping his chest with his hands, his fingers tracing arabesques on his skin to comfort him.

Once Taeil was done talking, Johnny started kissing his jaw tenderly, moving slowly towards his lips, capturing them in a languid kiss. “Thank you for telling me all this,” he whispered against his cheek. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Melting, Taeil rolled them over, settling between his legs as he kissed him more urgently. “Thank you for being patient, for listening to my shitty past, and for not judging me.”

“I’ll never do that.” Johnny assured him, his hands resting on his hips.

“Would that be cliché if I made love to you now?” Taeil smirked, grinding down. “Slowly, deeply, missionary style and all vanilla-like...”

“Kinky,” Johnny snorted, his hands dropping to his ass shamelessly. “Do you think you can do it though?”

Taeil widened his eyes, faking an offended expression. “Are you doubting my abilities? Just wait, I’ll prove it to you.” He dipped down and locked their lips sensually. “I’ll vanilla the fuck out of you.”

Laughing, Johnny circled his arms around his neck to bring him closer. “When are we doing another scene with Jaehyun and Taeyong by the way?”

“Vanilla.” Taeil tutted. “Tonight, we’re va-ni-lla. No BDSM talk.”

Rolling his eyes, Johnny snorted. It seemed like they’d switched their personalities. “Alright, vanilla boy, bring it on.”

Taeil chuckled and shut him up with another slow and lovey-dovey kiss to get him in the mood. It was really out of character for him but he kind of liked that. He liked everything with Johnny anyway. Not like Johnny was complaining about it. That was what love was about after all.


End file.
